Keeping Your Marriage Fire Burning

Marriage

Mar 16

A small wood burner sits in the back corner of our house. The other day while tending the fire, I noticed it had gone down quite a bit since I had been gone several hours.

As I opened the wood burner door, oxygen poured in igniting a small flame among the embers. After shuffling the embers and adding more wood, I sat back satisfied as warmth and light returned with a rekindled fire.

When we are not burning wood the wood burner just sits there. No one oohs or ahhs at the site of a fire through the glass door or stands in front of it rubbing their hands together basking in it’s warm glow.

It is only when the effort of making a fire – and keeping it going – it’s full benefit is enjoyed.

Marriage

The same is true of our marriages. If the effort is not made, the flame will wane, smolder, and eventually die out.

When we first meet and fall in love, and marry we are like two embers creating a marriage fire. Chemistry, heat, and energy effortlessly fuel our relationship. It as if all is right with the world and nothing could possibly dampen our spark.

What most of us didn’t realize is we will eventually have to tend the fire and make the effort to keep it alive, burning, hot.

The fire created with seemingly no effort in the beginning – Eros, or romantic love - has changed.

Once we are married, we discover our fire no longer burns on it’s own. We must tend it. We must give it time, attention, and energy to keep it burning and from growing cold.

This is true of every relationship, but especially our relationship with God and our marriage.

These two relationships are the most dangerous to the enemy and his evil plans and therefore the biggest target for spiritual warfare.

It is imperative we keep these relationships built up and strong.

Fuel

One of the best things for a fire is quality fuel - strong, dry, seasoned wood. Not wood that is green and soft.

Then when you throw the wood in the fire, it burns bright, radiating heat and light. Wood comes from trees and trees grow from soaking up sunshine.

The question we have to ask am I soaking up adequate “Sonshine” to throw “quality fuel” on my marriage and therefore radiate His energy and light to my spouse?

Have we been tapping into the ultimate source of energy - Jesus?

Effort

It takes a lot of effort to get wood for a fire.

You have to find the right trees, cut down the logs, cut the logs into smaller pieces, load it up, transport it to the house, unload it and carry it into the house and finally into the fire.

Whew!

But it must be done or the fire will grow cold and die.

Are our marriages worth the effort? I think we would all love an exciting and vibrant marriage.

The temptation is to assume our marriage is on automatic pilot. It will take care of itself, right?. After all, we have so many other things vying for our attention – job, kids, extended family, hobbies, friends, etc.

Also, our society espouses a child-centered family. The problem is when the kids are gone, there are no marriage embers to rekindle.

God’s plan is a marriage centered family. He tells us in Ephesians 5:31-32 our marriages are a physical picture of our spiritual relationship with Him. Both our relationship with God and our marriage must be a priority.

A strong marriage provides security for our kids, but also strengthens those around us since the family is the backbone of society.

Here are a few practical ideas to stoke your marriage fire:

Date Night

Can’t afford a babysitter? Ask family or friends to help out. Maybe offer to swap sitter services with another couple. Head out to a park with a picnic or grab an ice cream and watch the birds at a local lake. Whatever you do, just be together.

Adventures

Adventures bonds us together. Try to plan something other than the ordinary. Take turns planning your adventure or surprise your spouse. Afraid things may not turn out perfect? These can make the best memories as you look back and laugh at your blunders.

Acknowledge

Simply looking your spouse in the eye, smiling, and asking how their day was can keep you connected. Again, this was automatic when love was young. Make sure your spouse knows you see and truly care about them – apart from the everyday tasks of life. A daily passionate kiss won’t hurt either ; ).

Dream

This can be a tough one if you have had many challenges in your marriage, but oh what fun it is. My husband and I have had a long and exhausting go of it. So when we started dreaming together it felt a little strange. But little by little, it started feeling good – really good. Plus, dreaming together ensures you both are in each other’s future plans.

And there are many, many more!

Never Stop

Our culture tells us our marriage is not worth the effort. Why make all that effort when you could be focusing on you – and allowing your marriage to smolder?

“I wish I had not put so much effort into my marriage,” said no one ever!

When we make our marriage a priority, we will reap rewards not only in our marriage, family now but for eternity. And have a lot more fun!