5 Ways Building Your Marriage House is Better Than Living Together
The Why
We have all heard the argument. Couples claim living together is the “proving ground” for marital compatibility.
Initially, this sounds logical, but in fact the exact opposite is true. Like many issues we face, our earthly logic does not compare with God’s best for us.
If the goal is marriage for a lifetime, the commitment must be made first, then living together, not vice versa.
Just as building a quality home is not thrown together haphazardly with no thought to planning, construction or materials, neither does a quality, committed relationship magically happen when two people decide to live together.
Here are five ways building your “marriage home” is better than the living together “house of straw”:
The Commitment
Making a commitment to build a home is no small undertaking. Whether it is a starter home or a home for a lifetime, you want it to be a strong, sturdy building where you and your family can take refuge and feel safe and secure.
It takes commitment, not a flippant, fly-by-night thought that pops into your head like, “hey, wanna live together?”. Show each other you are worth the commitment. Non commitment fosters a sense of insecurity.
The Builder
Just as you would not select a builder with a bad reputation, you want to take time to select a builder known for quality and time-tested craftsmanship. God’s plan for marriage and family has been around for about 6,000 years. I would say that is a pretty good run.
Is there any planning involved in living together? Usually not. Studies show most women in cohabitating relationships are hoping for marriage but are left hanging never really knowing if marriage is on the horizon or not, unlike most of their partners who have no marital intentions.
The Deposit
When you decide on a builder, you must make a deposit. This shows your level of commitment. The time and effort to shop for and select (not to mention save up for) an engagement ring elevates the bride from “you are a convenience” to you are the one I adore.
So, go ahead and skip the easy way out and buy the engagement ring if you do really plan to marry.
“Commitment is what holds the marriage together in good times and bad, even when you would rather leave.”
The Blueprint
You want your builder to take the time needed to carefully craft the blueprint of your home. You want to be sure the correct foundation is solid and secure, the measurements all correct, and good, quality materials have been chosen to ensure a strong, solid structure.
In marriage, this plan would include taking the time to get to know one another and study God’s Word for His design for marriage, prayer, premarital counseling, reading marriage books together, etc.
Anything randomly thrown together, such as cohabitating, is not set up for stability and therefore breeds a false sense of security among other things.
Building a home, i.e. marriage, takes time. It is one of the most important investments you will ever make. It is well worth the effort to set it up for success.
The Quality Materials
Building a lasting home requires using quality building materials. Using cheap materials that may or may not work well together in the building process and then “trying it out” as you go is simply foolishness. If your builder recommends that, run!
If we want our marriage to last, we want to use the good stuff, such as, commitment, love and servitude which will allow the home to remain strong during the pressure, wind, and storms of life.
Building materials randomly thrown together simply will not do so why would we think casually moving in together would be any different?
Living together exerts pressure on the “materials” before they are properly bonded.
It stresses the structure before it has been girded up by commitment before God and others like the man who built his house upon the sand verses The Rock (Matthew 7:25-27).
When the “marriage home” starts to show wear and tear, repairs can be made (marriage counseling, books, etc.)
Behind the little piece of paper issued by the state after you are married is the covenant commitment of marriage.
This commitment is what holds the marriage together through good times and bad, even when you would really rather leave.
Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap steadfast love; (Hosea 10:12 ESV)
Living together appeals to our instant society because of the in and out ease. No wedding planning, no thinking about the future, no combining bank accounts, no name changes, no commitment.
The relationship not serving your needs?. Just walk away. No divorce proceedings, no legal fees, no giving half of all my assets. Just a walk out the door to “freedom”.
The Marriage
But real peace, joy, and happiness come from a marriage built on the Rock.
When two people make a commitment before God to remain married through the good and the bad, they not only give stability to their marriage, but they also give stability to the family and therefore society.
The world is full of people who will disappoint and abandon us. We must display God’s character of trustworthy commitment to our spouses and a hurting world.
Do the hard thing – the right thing. Make the commitment and get busy building your marriage house. You won’t regret it!
Thank you for reading. Please let me know how can I pray for you?
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