A Harmonious Marriage
We all know men and woman are – a-hem- different. There are jokes, memes, TV shows, books, etc. reminding us of this fact. Despite these differences, we were meant to live in harmony with one another, and not in perpetual conflict as some believe is inevitable. One of the reasons God created marriage was to display His love, beauty, and commitment to a world He longs to reach.
In my devotional today, the writer pointed out that wives are to be a “suitable” helper to their husbands, meaning ‘a complementary partner of equal worth, opposite, though harmonizing.’
“The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Harmony – the quality of forming a pleasing and consistent whole (dictionary.com)
Beautiful things happen when people live, sing, and work in harmony.
Here are four things we can do as wives to help fulfill God’s plan for a harmonious marriage and “make beautiful music” together.
A Friend
Your husband wants a friend in you. He does not need or want another mother telling him what to do, say, eat, etc. He desires someone who will love and accept him as he is, allow him to dream and have adventures with him. We need to stop trying to change our husbands into ‘mini me’s’. If our husbands were just like us, one of you wouldn’t be needed. We accept, love, and support our girlfriends just as they are. We need to have a similar acceptance of our husbands, offering them unconditional love and support, and remembering what attracted us to them in the first place instead of focusing on the negative.
A Lover
Sex is important and good for men. In her book For Women Only, Shaunti Feldhahn’s research revealed that men desire sex for more than just physical enjoyment. Their security lies in our desire for them, giving them the strength and confidence to face their everyday giants. Sex fosters intimacy in our marriage, releases stress and increases oxytocin, the love or bonding hormone, so it benefits us as well. Not to mention how good the skin-to-skin contact, orgasms, etc. make us feel with the release of endorphins. Plus, our husband is the only person in this world of six billion plus people we share this level of intimacy. I never regret spending this time with my husband.
Respect
Respect is important both when you are with him and without him – even if you think he doesn’t deserve it. We expect unconditional love from our husbands, and they need unconditional respect from us. Unfortunately, I failed at this one early in our marriage, but after implementing this habit the difference in our marriage was clear - in my husband, children, and myself. Paul gives us this mandate in Ephesian 5:33. I especially like the amplified version:
However, each man among you [without exception] is to love his wife as his very own self [with behavior worthy of respect and esteem, always seeking the best for her with an attitude of lovingkindness], and the wife [must see to it] that she respects and delights in her husband [that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with loving concern, treasuring him, honoring him, and holding him dear]. (Eph. 5:33 AMP)
A Helper
According to Genesis 2:18, wives were created to be a helper for husbands. A collective “Amen” rings out among womankind. I think it’s safe to say our husbands need helpers. In fact, we all need helpers. The differences between men and women make us complementary to one another, and therefore able to help where needed. Look for areas you are naturally more gifted than your husband and step up to assist, just as you would like him to do for you. Are you more organized? Maybe you should keep the family calendar. Is your husband the better cook and you have the green thumb? Keeping things green both in and out of your house and staying out of the kitchen may be the key for you. Marriage is hard work. You may be thinking, if only our problems were so easy. Fortunately, there are many helps available and easily found including biblical counseling, books, videos, podcast, etc.
